Love, Lamp and Lantern

A sweet whiff of Dhoop-agarbatti getting fainter with the overpowering strong pungent smell of sambar in the air, overworked exhaust seems to have given up working on the air circulation. Pressure cooker whistle blows intermittently while dishwasher's noise and Subbulaxmi's Suprabhatam music make an interesting medley in the background.

Arnav who is in his bedroom upstairs knows its about 8 am even before he opens his eyes. He is yet to learn how to see time, but he knows his house behaves exactly the same every morning at 8 with just one difference today, Arnav's Dad is leisurely talking on phone instead of hurriedly gobbling down his breakfast before heading off to his work. Its the weekend and also Halloween !
Arnav gets up and walks up to his bedroom window rubbing his eyes, and looks out to see Josh's front-yard his friend and neighbor and is immediately disappointed...again. He has been praying to god for lots and lots of snowfall since a week, so that it covers all the Halloween decorations of Josh.

Arnav is seven, born in Cupertino CA now lives with his father and mother in New Jersey.His father Giri moved to US ten years ago from Vizag India. He loves his Mom and Dad, he knows his Dad works in a big company that runs on Computers and his Dad knows everything about it.

Arnav walks down the stairs, peeps into the kitchen to find his mother cooking something in the big pot and runs straight up to his father in the living room who was still on phone, and tugs his shirt excitedly..." Dad...Dad..Dad..."

"Oh Arnav..good you came, speak to your grand father and mother, they are asking for you..." Giri puts the phone on speaker mode and hands it over to Arnav.

Not a bit excited, Arnav holds the phone and mutters, "Hello..."

" Helloooo, Chinnaaaa...how are you beta?..what are you doing bangaaruuuu?...Arnav...Arnaaaavv! Beams two excited voices over the phone, talking at the same time,both in English and Telugu.

"Yes, I am good, have to go, bye"...says Arnav and tosses over the phone back to his Dad and runs away in the Kitchen. He waits there and hears the conversation end, and sees his Dad walk over to the Kitchen.

Giri wanted to chide Arnav for not speaking to his grandparents properly, but Arnav was waiting for his chance to spurt out....."Dad...When are we going shopping today ?"

"Shopping?"

"Yes,you promised.Remember"

"Aah...oh...but there was a condition.."

"Yes Dad...I solved all the math problems and wrote down all the names of Vishnu in English and Telugu."

Giri glances at his wife Pavani, who nods to confirm Arnav's claim.

"Ok not today, we are going to temple."

"But Dad today is Halloween, I cant go to temple. I have to go trick o treating..." says Arnav empahtically.

By now Giri is busy serving his plate with idli and sambar and instructing Pavani to finish up her chores faster.

"Dad, We need to hurry..Josh said stores will be out of good costumes by noon.....Dad"

Giri retorts impatiently. "Arnav. stop this nonsense and get ready. We need to go to temple."

"But you promised, and today is Halloween...all my fr...."

"Arnav...Just leave. "... this time Giri's voice was loud and curt enough for Arnav to stop talking and leave.

Arnav dragged his feet up-to his room,he typically would have been angry but was a little confused and as far as he could think he had just asked for what was promised to him by his Dad, just before he left for office in a hurry as usual. If anything he thinks he got a raw deal, he had asked for Halloween decorations at home..

                                                                      ***
                                     
It was early afternoon when Arnav and his family returned home from temple, he had met his friends there and the priest who teaches him sanskrit verses...but all he really wanted was that remote he saw in a movie, to fast forward this temple visit.
If Arnav knew the feeling of reaching the touchline at the end of a marathon, he would have told anybody that's exactly how he was feeling once he reached home.

Arnav waited  for a few minutes for the opportune moment, he saw his mom in the kitchen holding a glass of water meant for his Dad and promptly volunteered to deliver...

Giri was sitting on couch with his laptop.
"Dad, please let me know when are we going shopping?"... Arnav was at his courteous and politest best.

"Why ?"

In his head Arnav was screaming,"I have already told you million times". But he answered politely "We need to buy a Halloween costume for me, I already know what I want...we can choose from Green lantern, Hulk, and Captain Jack Sparrow.So it will not take much time if we hurry and reach the stores now."

"Jack Sparrow..Hulk..huh..do you even know the names of all the Vishnu avatars?" Giri questioned him and dismissed him at the same time.

"I did write them down...Dad." Arnav was thinking somebody hit the rewind button, his conversation with his dad was going in a loop.

"Arnav, I don't have time for this nonsense.Just do something else." Giri dismissed him further.

By now Pavani was in the room, she intervened after overhearing the conversation."Giri, just calm down." then turned to Arnav, "Beta you don't know anything about this Halloween, we will get you new clothes for Diwali..ok..just forget about it, don't be stubborn..ok."

Arnav who till now had been keeping it together, had tears swelled up in his eyes..voice cracked and feeling hurt he spoke slightly high pitched, " I know what is Halloween. You do cool decorations, make jack o lanterns,wear cool costumes and go trick o treating...its fun..all my friends do it...we have been planning for a week...even their parents are helping them...they all have done spooky decorations...."

He paused for a second, by now he was sobbing but continued, " Why don't you do it for me ? ...I do Diwali for you."

Giri and Pavani didnt expect the last bit. Pavani looked at Giri perplexed and expected him to handle this situation but found him still dismissive, Giri thought its best to ignore the drama and signaled Pavani to address this.

Pavani looked at Arnav, still undecided how to answer, she spoke softly, "Arnav , We do Diwali, it is our festival. We love you and do everything for you only..."

"Why is it that everything you do for me is different than what I want...?" Arnav murmured exactly what he felt.

Pavani would have let it go as one of Arnav's naive and impulsive outburst instead it set her thinking. She knew what it meant for her to light lamps every Diwali but has no idea what it means for Arnav to light up a jack o lantern.Then this one thought froze her, "What if my son is not like us? What if he grows up a different person with different ideas, we may not like ?"  She wasn't sure if she needs to process this with fear or acceptance.

She looked around her....Giri sitting on the couch oblivious and busy...Arnav curled up on the floor hurt and sobbing.

She probably didn't know what Halloween meant but she definitely was feeling spooked today.She remembered an email her friend recently forwarded to her.
Then she reached out and held Arnav gently and kissed him, she told him, "Arnav, Take a sheet of paper, sit besides Dad and write down 3 reasons why he should take you shopping.ok"

Giri,who till now had buried his head in his laptop, looked up and around dumbstruck, by then Pavani had left, leaving Arnav and him in the room.
Giri sat there somewhat displeased with this episode as he watched Arnav fumble with the sheet of paper and struggling to write. By the time Arnav could write "I love Heloveen", Giri stopped him.

"Ok enough, I have work to do, I cant go shopping. Besides this is just nonsense...I will buy you all the candies you want later..." Giri then raised his voice to talk to Pavani in other room, "Pavani, Please don't encourage him with this, you need to tell him this Halloween is not for us..."

"Dad, But I...."  Arnav stopped as he looked up his eyes widened with a crack of smile.

Giri looked around and saw Pavani holding a big watermelon with a crooked face and eyes carved on it and a small earthen lamp lit inside it.

"Arnav, Tell me where do you want to put this ?" Pavani smiled. Arnav literally hopped across to his mother, to show her way outside. He was beaming, "This is so cool..."

Pavani turned around and said, " Giri , I sent you an email please see."

Confused , Giri checked for his wife's email titled "Khalil Gibran - on Children"
                              
                                Your Children are not your children
                                
                                They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself
                                They come through you but not from you,
                                And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

                                You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
                                For they have their own thoughts.............
                                ..................................

Jungle of the other kind - Survival of Sane

Never mind what was originally meant by "Survival of fittest"...Today we all know, it means one has to be stronger, bigger, faster, better at everything to survive our respective jungles..I mean lives,work or whatever else one can apply this theory to.

I want to talk about different kind of Jungle today...Jungle of social networking - where survival of the fittest is no longer the game, we play games of mind and I strongly believe this jungle is all about "Survival of sane mind".

It all started few years back , when some virtual jungles called social networking sites came into being, primary among them is Facebook, the more dominant among all other jungles worldwide.In the short span of 8 years, it changed the way people live their lives and as the rule of survival is, had to evolve and create their virtual beings to survive in this new form of jungle.

So I am not sure how much I am a part of this evolution and Survival of sane mind game ( and whether i am loosing it or there is hope ?!!). But, All of us are in this game at some level, No-one can say I am in it but just sitting on the fence observing,not playing, not affected at all ! just enjoying the good things that this jungle offers... Well slowly you may discover that it might be a lie!

What I find incredible is though its a fairly new phenomena, it has largely taken over the lives of most of us. So what makes it successful , its positive aspects of "keeping in touch","networking","finding old friends","making new friends etc"....I would like to say yes but no! its the not so brighter side of this world that attracts us more.

Its the ability to stalk people without any risk and judgement, bieng voyeuristic, narcissism with overwhelming acceptance of other narcissistic s of virtual jungle, exhibitionism, ability to project a desirable or alternate personality or image, instant gratification, ability to shield real emotions.....and other such traits...and few more may come into being as this jungle evolves further.

And this is where the game of "Survival of sane mind" begins. Somewhat like cigarette addiction, the Facebook or other such virtual jungle addiction may damage you internally at so many levels that you may be blissfully unaware of...unlike smoking which one starts mostly out of curiosity, peer pressure etc...Facebook is started on more positive note but once you get addicted to it , just like smoking you do not know what all damages it is doing inside you ( and its area of effect-ion is of-course not lungs) !

Per neuroscientist Susan Greenfield, " We know how small babies need constant reassurance that they exist." " My fear is that technologies are infantilising the brain into state of small children who are attracted by buzzing noises and bright lights, who have a small attention span and who live for the moment."

Though her observation was mostly for teens and children who have grown up or growing up in this jungle , and probably in future may have totally different brain structure than most of us who adopted this virtual lifestyle later in our lives broadly put say 25-50 age group.


I, however have a theory, totally unscientific and probably illogical. Well its my theory and I stand by it. This is to test how badly affected/damaged you are with...hold on ,no, actually it is to test how you are faring in the game of  " Survival of sane mind" !

You do it yourself...this more of a self-evaluation categorized broadly in two parts.

One - Test of Comparison.

(Since we showcase and make public our entire lives/personality in one page with timeline effectively capturing our life events, there is bound to be comparison with others much like real life but more minute, detailed and hard to ignore)

-Say you are single and apparently not happy and regularly find your news feed filled with couples and newly marrieds flaunting their love and their respective spouses,girl/boyfriends through pics & posts...after months of this onslaught , you do not even slightly feel empty,jealous,unfair,irritated or any other not so nice emotions...then hurrah you are doing great in this game

- Say you are unemployed or not so desirably employed and unsatisfied , and you find your peers, old friends, school friends in positions you cant even dream of currently....then find more such people proudly flaunting and updating their new designations,successes etc...and you do not even find it least bothering, unfair, jealous, inadequate and any other not so nice emotions...then good news, you have a mind of a Zen !

- You can do this test for any of your life scenario where one may have the tendency to compare with others...like you are stuck in a rut and others are posting their exotic vacation pics,  you have no kids others are making sure you don't loose track of their baby pics/posts,  you are struggling to make ends meet others are flaunting their newly acquired properties/cars etc, you are struggling with weight others are flaunting their sexy bods...list can go on.

So if you come out with flying colors in test of comparison, then as I said , mind of a Zen...you have great hope in this game.

Two - Test of abstinence

(Since one spends several hours of the day in this jungle, apart from liking posts/pics, posting status/pics, browsing news-feed which may take few minutes and occasional chats , what does one do for remaining of hours one spends here. We all know individually what takes most of our time, and excess of anything is not good hence, test of abstinence )

- Say you are addicted to stalking your friends, reading their posts, looking at their pics... and though it is all there for public consumption...you do know this is sick and unlike real world where stalker may end up in jail , you are perfectly within your legal limits here but may be crossing the sane limit of your mind.  Try the test of abstinence by not checking out your one or two or few friend's profiles you regularly stalk ( specify the time frame yourself depending on the severity of your case !)

- Say you cant help posting every mundane detail  or significant development of your life and wait for people to like and comment for some kind of approval, acceptance, cheering etc...you do know this only helps you get instant gratification, appreciation or approval probably lacking in your real life and also effects you with not so nice emotions if you don't grab desirable attention in your virtual jungle. Try to abstain and If you come out unfazed...then you may be playing an ace game.

- You can do this test for whatever secret addiction you may have on Facebook or your favorite virtual jungle and know or think it may not be treading the path of Sane-ville but taking you towards the road of screw-ed-up town, then try the test.

 And mind you it can be tricky cause unlike smoking addiction you are going to practice selective abstinence, only those bits which are creating piles of nicotine trash equivalent in your mind.

Again let me reiterate and warn you this is my very unscientific and  unproven(yet) self-evaluation of " Survival of Sane mind" in this Jungle of a other kind where the stronger may not kill you but your own mind may defeat you.

Superman Aspirations

"In the middle of the night, train stops at a small deserted station, I get down to get some air , there is a cool autumn breeze  and then I turn around as I hear the train whistle...I walk towards my bogey to board it again...but as I take my right foot forward, instead of climbing up, I fall onto the tracks with my face against the wheels of the train , I see them starting to move slowly and I get up immediately to get back on platform...but as I hold onto the edge of the platform , it crumbles down and brings down the the roof of the station with it. Then I throw a bucket of water on the rubble and clear out everything and get back in my bogey through its window."

"Really !" exclaimed Riya, "Sam,that is not only stupid but one of the most boring dreams I have heard of."

Sam disagrees, "Why? I almost died in my dream, but get back and sort of destroy the station and resume my journey!"

"Yes, but it is still a stupid train journey. You don't fly out of a burning building or walk on water to save the drowning people of a capsized boat in a middle of pacific ocean." Riya explains emphatically." Now lets get back to reality, our class starts in 10 minutes."

"So I am not a superman in my dream,but its still pretty cool."

"My point is that, its a dream. You can be a superman."

"hmm..."

Riya and Sam have been friends since primary school and have joined the same Undergrad School. Riya knew very early on what she will make of herself,she had planned and chosen her school and  subjects accordingly.She also knew which company she will join to kick-start her career in investment banking.
Sam on the other hand, always went with flow instead of planning ahead, he is still not sure what he wants to do once he completes his under-graduation.

Sam was thinking about what Riya said the entire day. So the moment he spots her on her way out to home after school, he leaps towards her and spurts out,  "Why do I need to be a superman?"

Riya knew him too well and instead of being astounded, she quickly recalls the conversation they had at the beginning of the day and responds, "Because if you are not a superman, you are an ordinary man and nobody's interested in that."

"Ordinary people are not interested in an ordinary man!"

"Yes,because everybody is ordinary and hence you need to be extraordinary. And everybody will be interested." smiles Riya, "Come on, I don't have to talk to you like a 1st grader, you know this. Get over your dream now, they are meaningless anyways."

"In my dream, I get over disasters and resume my journey, Isn't that extraordinary ?" 

"No,everybody has hurdles and problems in their life and they continue to live it or according to you resume their journeys" laughs Riya , using Sam's metaphor. "So nothing extraordinary."

"So, How do I become a superman ?",

"hmm, tricky question." ponders Riya," Let me see, in real world we don't fly or stop the train with one hand. So you would need to excel at everything you do , outdo everyone around you, in your school, your job or do something first, that nobody has done before you and then you continue doing outstanding work and then people would be interested, you will get tons of money, possibly fame or power etc....This would be a real world superman I think because almost everyone wants to be this. What do you think ?"

"Are you trying to be one ?", questions Sam, deep in thought.

"Yes, everyday of my life."

"What if I become a superman but I am not happy ?" 

Not interested to continue this conversation anymore, Riya shrugs her shoulder and answers impatiently, "Well, you become one, then we'll see."

"Will you be happy Riya, once you become a superwoman ?" Sam questions again, ignoring her visible lack of interest in this conversation.

"Yes." retorts Riya, impatient and in a hurry to end this conversation which she thought has been stretched long enough

Sam gets the message and nods thoughtfully.Then they both start walking together towards the bus stop. Riya was not sure if Sam was still thinking about his stupid dream, but couldnt help smiling at his ability to make such a big deal about a dream which most people would have forgotten quickly , much less analyze it philosophically and draw an analogy to life.

Then she couldn't help pondering over Sam's question while they waited for bus.And by the time she reached home she had thought over her entire life from the day she realized that Santa was not real , and from then on-wards her race to be extraordinary in her School, her ballet class, her tennis lessons. She couldn't remember anything she had not aced. She was sure at this rate she will surely get a great career start in her choice of company, and continue her streak.
And then she asked herself the question again, "Will I be happy, once I become a superwoman ?" and realized she doesn't really know yet.